Five of the Internet’s Weirdest Sex ToysAugust 18th, 2013 by abraxas received No Comments »
Being bored at work for hours on end can lead you down a dark and twisted internet path. Facebook scanning becomes Buzzfeed articles, which turns into shoe shopping, then ex stalking on Facebook (again), which leads you to a news article, a Google Ad and before you know it your search history has become NSFW.
I have found a lot of weird things this way, lost in the depths of my bored and curiosity. Earlier this week, I discovered the Ostrich Pillow and honestly, I’m torn between how amazing and how useless it really is. Nevertheless, my boredom has also driven me to even stranger, bizarre and “that goes where?” searches. So in efforts of saving you from the shaddy searches I’ve conducted, I have come up with handy reference guide for one specific area: sex toys.
Check out the five weirdest ones that I found recently and let me know if you’ve found stranger ones.
This is the product that brought you the catchy tagline of “Different Strokes for Different Yolks.” The Tenga Egg is an egg turned fleshlight. Coming to you in a carton of six (maybe they’ll upgrade to 12 or 18 one day), these eggs all have a different sensation providing center. You simply peel the egg, unscrew it, remove the lube, squeeze that juice all up inside of the egg and the outside and go to town. Nothing like getting a handy from an egg. The incredible edible(?) egg, anyone? Reviews say they break easily.
The Drippy Dragon:
This toy must have been created for the Bronies who spun off into dragon lovers. Designed to fulfill all of your dragon fantasies, the Drippy Dragon, also known as Vergil, is a free standing dildo that will not only plunge deep into your Netherlands, it will also ejaculate from what they have so elegantly called “the cumtube.” Don’t worry, you don’t have to get some standard dragon toy either, you can customize it to all of your Magic the Gathering needs.
The George Bush Butt Plug:
I’ve seen the Jesus Butt Plug and the Obama dildo, but the George Bush Butt Plug is a never seen before toy. Albeit, this toy isn’t new. It reared it’s inept head back in 2007, just before his term ended, but nevertheless, this will make the perfect gift for any die-hard Republican in your life. Just sit him down and sit on his face and he’ll do more positive work than he’s done in his entire presidential career.
Do you ever find yourself thinking how annoying it is that you have to use a strap on around your waist, as it if it really was your genitalia? I know I do. Clearly there are others out there just like us because someone took it upon themselves to start making strap-ons that fit on your head, giving you the chance to really give someone a piece of your mind. Strangely enough, this isn’t that odd of a toy as most sex stores like Adam and Eve sell some variation of this toy. But don’t go for a knock-off, go for the real thing. Accommodate your partner, your head and your endless pleasure with the Accommodator. I hope this resonates in your head in the voice of the Terminator.
Sounds like wheel, makes you think of a pig… what exactly is it? The Squeel is a nifty hand held toy that comes with not 1, not 2, but TEN tongues to rivet your most sensitive of bits. These tongues rotate in a wheel like fashion and look like a flesh colored gear. Get rid of your standard vibes, dildos and glass anal toys, cause baby all you need is ten tongues to rock you silly.
Tags: Boredom, Bronies, Butt Plug, Cumtube, Different Strokes, Dragon Lovers, Facebook, George Bus, George Bush, Google, Handy Reference Guide, Incredible Edible Egg, Internet Path, Magic The Gathering, Search History, Sex Toys, Shoe Shopping, Tagline, Vergil, Weird ThingsPosted under: Featured Articles, News